Today was extremely frustrating. one of the most frustrating days of the year. and the part that really pisses me off is, it could have so easily been a normal day, if i were just a normal person. I have this problem with being preoccupied, or "in my own world". And sincerely trying to get a job done, I was slipping up left and right, losing things, getting lost, forgetting what i was doing.
THe real cherry on top was getting lost in the suburbs of needham. theres something about the suburbs, especially those with unending mazelike roads... that are just a recipe for an instant panic attack.
i'm usually optimistic, but today i loathed evcery green blade of grass, every face i passed, resented every painted window shutter and child playing under the trees. glaring at cars as i jay walked past them. I found my way to dunkin donuts, and on the tube a lebanese man was being interviewed, frustrated at the interrnational community, "where are they? where are they when you need them?"
Where is anybody? for anyone?
I cant even walk 6 feet without losing the wood putty i had to go to 4 different hardware stores to find. And i cant even get back to a street i was just on 30 minutes ago.
And, just being unable to perform the simplest of actins when i cant compensate for my own idyosyncrasies... and thinking about WW3... i wept. i wept and cursed and hated everything, and nothing made sense.
I just hope the U.N. can find the street it was on, and not lose its putty on the way.
I feel lonely and disconnected. Today, i just wanted to knock myself out and be carried home. and not any home i know... HOME home.