take me home
its raining. i love the rain, it means that the night wont be unbearably muggy.
Today was extremely frustrating. one of the most frustrating days of the year. and the part that really pisses me off is, it could have so easily been a normal day, if i were just a normal person. I have this problem with being preoccupied, or "in my own world". And sincerely trying to get a job done, I was slipping up left and right, losing things, getting lost, forgetting what i was doing.
THe real cherry on top was getting lost in the suburbs of needham. theres something about the suburbs, especially those with unending mazelike roads... that are just a recipe for an instant panic attack.
i'm usually optimistic, but today i loathed evcery green blade of grass, every face i passed, resented every painted window shutter and child playing under the trees. glaring at cars as i jay walked past them. I found my way to dunkin donuts, and on the tube a lebanese man was being interviewed, frustrated at the interrnational community, "where are they? where are they when you need them?"
Where is anybody? for anyone?
I cant even walk 6 feet without losing the wood putty i had to go to 4 different hardware stores to find. And i cant even get back to a street i was just on 30 minutes ago.
And, just being unable to perform the simplest of actins when i cant compensate for my own idyosyncrasies... and thinking about WW3... i wept. i wept and cursed and hated everything, and nothing made sense.
I just hope the U.N. can find the street it was on, and not lose its putty on the way.
I feel lonely and disconnected. Today, i just wanted to knock myself out and be carried home. and not any home i know... HOME home.